hard to imagine god hurting for me

hola mis amores;

Am I on a roll? Nah, it's probably a maniac episode. I've mentioned before that I read a lot. Send me anything with words and bam I'm going to read it completely.

I often use Pinterest to read snippets of poems or snippets from novels. I also find these pieces by amazingly talented writers and man the way they write makes me stop and simply gasp at the beauty their minds have created.

A little disclaimer: These are purely my beliefs on religion and God. It's not my intention to offend or harm anyone's personal views.

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So for this week I found this piece:

Firstly I'm so jealous of the brain of the author, Ijeoma Umebinyuo!! (in a positive way of course! no hate here)

I think the first time I cam across this, I had to read it twice. Initially because I read it too fast and missed the whole point. But when I gave it time and actually tried to process the piece, I was in awe.

I keep saying this but for people who know me personally, know that I'm an atheist and it's hard for me to believe in the existence of a God or some Supreme Power.

I've completely diverged from my family who are extremely religious. Answering the question, "why I don't believe in God?" is personally very hard for me because it involves revealing things I don't ever want to talk about.

I think the thing about this post that left me flabbergasted was that if a God does exist that he'd hurt with me when I am hurting. I know religion does preach this quality of God, and that he is benevolent but when you face circumstances that are quite contrary to what is being said, it gets hard to believe in the said quality.

The idea of a God hurting with me is so gut wrenching to me because often the worst kind of pain is where you can't explain what exactly is wrong or why it hurts. All you know is that it hurts.

For me also what stands out is that I might be a part of God.

Him pointing to me, like I'm a part of him is what forces me to think.

For me it's also kind of peaceful to know that maybe, just maybe he might be hurting for me.

But again I feel a volley of questions.

If he knew how much I was hurting, why doesn't he do anything to stop it? Why doesn't he lessen the pain? Why do I have to bear the pain to blossom into something more beautiful?

It is still hard for me to believe in God.

If given a chance, I'd give everything to believe in him. I say this because on my hard days, I find comfort in nothing. Probably if I had a God to believe in, it'd be a little easier to get through.

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The use of the pronoun 'he' to refer to God is only because of the way it is written in the original.

If I've offended anyone's opinions or religious sentiments, I apologize and it absolutely was not my intention of doing so.

Until next time,

~moonrelation